Hate.  Anger.  Fury.  Bitter.  Cold-Hearted.  Yep, that pretty much is the description of much of my heart this year.   The actions of some are mind-boggling.  And the actions of those who have been close over the years is infuriating.  Confession time here.

So said person made sure to show her disdain in a fit of anger I went out on a hard walk.  Furious, anger, weight-loss reducing stomp-walk.  In the middle of my rage God spoke.  “Try reconciliation.”

I did NOT want to hear those words.  I did NOT want to obey those words.  But I knew I would.

I asked the Lord the timing and it was several weeks away.  I asked the Lord how and he said a three day water fast.  I did those things.

In my spirit there was a fullness to approach someone whom I felt has, is and still is wronging me and my family in a very wrong way.  It felt like they should be coming to me, not vice versa.  But hate was eating my soul.

So I went.  And it was ugly.

Afterwards I felt the joy of obedience as well as the back of hate and anger broken.  Although the anger still is having a hard time fleeing.  I’m trying to continue to “bless my enemies” but it isn’t easy.  I want to “bless” them away from me.

But then in a Scripture meditation I read about Jonah.  I have spoken often about Jonah that his issue was not fear of the Assyrians but hatred.  I find myself identifying.

The problem with Jonah is that even though he obeyed, he still remained bitter.  And we do not know if this ever changed.  And that’s sobering.

Sobering as even though I obeyed and made a reconciliation attempt, it isn’t enough.  I still need to purge the anger that stalks my soul.  Or else I will become just like Jonah–initially obedience but long-term bitter.  And I don’t want that.

Find bridges, not walls.  If we’re real in life that sometimes is harder than a nice sweet sounding phrase.  But this is the path of the gospel.  It is is privilege to obey the Lord in the hard stuff.  It makes us more like Him.